How to Help Someone With a Gambling Problem

Why Your Support Matters

Let’s be real — gambling problems don’t always look obvious. They can hide behind a smile, a joke, or a “don’t worry, I’ve got it under control.” But behind the scenes, they can wreck someone’s mental health, drain their savings, and eat away at their confidence.

Here’s the thing: gambling addiction is not about bad luck or poor self-control — it’s a real psychological condition. The brain gets hooked on the thrill, the near-misses, the “one more spin.” It rewires how people think, feel, and make decisions. And that’s why simply telling someone just to stop doesn’t work.

But your support can change everything.

When you approach someone with judgment, they shut down. When you come with understanding, you open a door. You don’t need to have all the answers — just being there, calmly and consistently, already puts you ahead of most people in their lives. Studies show that people are much more likely to get help and stay in recovery when they have someone they trust by their side. So if you’re reading this, wondering how to help someone you care about, you’re already on the right path. 

You’re not here to rescue them. You’re here to walk with them, with clear eyes and an open heart. And that matters more than you know. So here's a quick guide on what to do when you suspect a family member, friend, partner, or anyone you care about is addicted.

Spotting the Warning Signs

“It’s just for fun”, “I’ve got it under control”, “I just need one good win”. 

These phrases might sound harmless — even normal. But more often than not, they’re red flags wrapped in denial. Gambling addiction rarely shows up all at once. It creeps in slowly, reshaping behavior, draining energy, and leaving behind emotional and financial wreckage.

If someone you care about is struggling, the sooner you recognize the signs, the better your chances of helping before real damage occurs.

Financial Red Flags

Money trouble is often the first sign to miss or dismiss. Watch for:

• Sudden or unexplained debt — they’re always short on cash or falling behind on bills.

• Borrowing frequently and never repaying — especially from multiple people, or in secret.

• Odd banking behavior — multiple withdrawals, ATM visits late at night, or vague excuses for missing money.

When money disappears without clear answers, and it keeps happening, gambling may be the hidden sinkhole. Yes, sometimes these flags are difficult to track. Still, you shouldn't be interested in another person's money. But when these signs become overt, and your loved one starts borrowing money from you, you should take a closer look at the situation.

Emotional and Behavioral Changes

If it is difficult to trace the financial transactions of another person, it is much easier to pay attention to psychological factors. This is what can give away a gambler who doesn't see the limit.

Irritability and defensiveness, especially if you bring up money or their free time.

You ask a simple question: “How’s your budget?” or “Still playing those apps?”
Suddenly, you’re met with:

• Sharp tone

• Blame-shifting (“Why are you always on my case?”)

• Or stonewalling silence

This defensiveness often isn’t about you. It’s their inner shame reacting. Deep down, they probably know there’s a problem — but admitting it would mean facing hard truths they’re not ready for.

Mood swings, from euphoric highs to dark, anxious lows.

One day, they’re riding high, talking fast, overly confident — “I’m on a streak!”
The next, they’re withdrawn, anxious, or snapping at minor things.

These highs and lows aren’t random. They follow a pattern tied to:

• Wins (temporary euphoria, manic optimism)

• Losses (guilt, panic, self-loathing)

• Withdrawal (irritation and restlessness when they can’t gamble)

Over time, these emotional crashes can look and feel like those seen in substance withdrawal.

Social withdrawal — they stop joining friends, miss family dinners, cancel plans — and you don’t know why. They stop showing up.

• Family events get forgotten.

• Calls go unanswered.

• They lose interest in hobbies or friend groups they once loved.

This isolation is often intentional — not because they don’t care, but because facing loved ones can feel like facing judgment. It’s easier to hide than to explain the mess they’re in. They may still be active online or in gambling spaces — but emotionally, they’re drifting away from real connection.

Time and Mental Preoccupation

Even when they’re not gambling, it’s on their mind:

• Constant checking of betting apps, match scores, or live odds.

• Lying or downplaying how much time they’re spending.

• Chasing losses — refusing to stop until they “win back” what they’ve lost.

Their mental energy is on the next game, the next spin, the next big one.

If you see multiple checkboxes in these categories, these are likely to be clear signs of dependency. But in no case should you panic and go to them, begging them to quit or threatening them.

How to Start the Conversation

Bringing up someone’s gambling problem can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield. You want to help — but you don’t want to scare them off or make things worse. Lead with care, not criticism. You're not there to stage an intervention or deliver a lecture. You're simply opening a door — gently, honestly — and letting them know you’re here when they’re ready to step through it. 

Pick the Right Moment

Timing matters more than you think.

• Don’t bring it up mid-crisis — avoid conversations right after they’ve lost money or are in the middle of a game — emotions will be too raw.

• Choose a quiet, private time when you’re both calm and not distracted.

• Make sure there’s enough time to talk — no looming appointments, no need to rush. A good conversation can’t be squeezed into 5 minutes between errands.

Sunday afternoon at home, not Tuesday morning while running out the door.

Use “I” Statements, Not Accusations

No one responds well to being blamed — especially if they’re already feeling shame.

Instead of: “You’re wasting all your money!”
Say: “I’ve been really worried lately about how stressed you’ve seemed”.

“I” statements shift the focus from what they’re doing wrong to how you’re feeling. This softens the tone and reduces the chance of a defensive reaction.

Other examples:

• “I miss how we used to hang out more on weekends. Lately, it feels like you’ve been somewhere else”.

• “I’ve noticed you seem really tense after using the apps. Is something going on?”

Listen Actively

This is the part most people skip — but it’s the most powerful.

• Don’t interrupt — even if you disagree, let them finish.

• Don’t jump in with advice immediately — let them feel heard first.

• Reflect back what you hear.  Example:
  “It sounds like gambling helps you take your mind off things…”
  “You feel like it’s the only way to deal with stress right now?”

This kind of reflection shows them you’re not just waiting for your turn to speak — you’re actually listening. And that, more than anything, builds trust.

Avoid Lectures, Shame, or Ultimatums

Saying things like:

• “You need to stop, this is ruining your life”

• “If you don’t quit, I’m done helping”  — may feel justified, but it usually backfires.

Shame doesn’t motivate change — it reinforces the cycle. When someone feels cornered or attacked, they retreat deeper into the behavior they’re being criticized for.

Instead, try:

• “Have you ever thought about talking to someone about this?”

• “Is there anything I could do that would make you feel more supported?”

• “Would it help if we looked at some options together?”

You’re not giving them an order — you’re offering a hand.

The first conversation is a planted seed. They might not admit anything. They might shut down. And that’s okay. But they walk away remembering one thing: you were calm, kind, and truly there. That moment of care might be the exact thing they return to when they’re finally ready to talk.

Practical Steps You Can Take

Once they’ve acknowledged the issue — even just a little — your support can shift from emotional groundwork to practical steps. 

Self-Exclusion & Blocking Tools

The first wall to build is a digital one. If gambling is always a click away, willpower won’t be enough — we need to cut off access.

Self-Exclusion programs — these are official services that ban users from all licensed gambling sites or venues for a period (6 months, a year, or more).
Examples:

• UK: Gamstop, supported by GamCare

• US: National Helpline — 1-800-GAMBLER

• Many land-based casinos also offer voluntary bans.

You have made the first and important steps and brought the person to the desire to overcome addiction. Continue to support the person, but give the key role to specialists.

App & Site Blockers.
These tools disable access to gambling websites and apps across all devices:

• Gamban (paid, very effective, blocks thousands of sites)

• BetBlocker (free, open-source)

• Use parental controls or network-level filters (like OpenDNS) for added layers.

Environmental Adjustments

Even without online access, their habits and routines need to change. Triggers can come from surprising places.

Unsubscribe from Temptation:

• Marketing emails, texts, and push notifications from casinos can reignite urges.

• Help them opt out of all communications and delete related apps.

Rebuild the Day:

• If they used to bet on the way home, suggest a new route or use that time for something else.

• Replace downtime with healthier stimulation: even something like mobile puzzle games, a podcast, or a regular phone call with you.

Plan Gambling-Free Activities:

• Organize low-stakes social events: movie nights, cooking together, gym visits, hiking, trivia nights, book clubs, etc.

• Help them rediscover hobbies that feel good and do good — sports, art, volunteering, gaming (in moderation), etc.

You might’ve noticed — we haven’t said a word about touching their finances. And that’s not a mistake. At this stage, you don’t need to take control of their money or monitor their spending. Holding back shows trust, and believe it or not, they’ll feel that. It sends a powerful message: “I’m here to support you, not control you.”

But — if you’re genuinely worried or unsure what the right move is, don’t guess. Pick up the phone and call a professional. The hotlines we mentioned above aren’t just for people with gambling problems — they’re also there for loved ones like you. A quick chat with a trained advisor can help you figure out your next best step.

Chances are, you already know they’re gambling — but there’s a big difference between playing and being addicted. Not every gambler is struggling… but if they are, now you know what signs to watch for and how to step in with care, not pressure. 

You don’t have to do it all alone. If you ever feel stuck, just call a hotline — they’ll walk you through the next steps, free of charge and full of support.